Random Acts of Grieving

What makes the ache show up?
Today for instance,
I’m just going along working
playing, busy with whatever’s before me.
And out of nowhere
my breath catches
stomach knots.
The tingle at the back of my nose
is the last indicator
before tears and snot start to flow
in almost the same instant.
Suddenly I’ve got to stop what I’m doing.
I am dissolved
into a weeping rag to be wrung
of all my hurt.
And I can only hope
it runs its course
quickly as it came upon me.
Because, as surely as I do not know
from whence it did come,
neither do I know when it will release me
back to normalcy.
And while I’m pondering,
I have to wonder when will it
happen again?

© 2016 by Shari Lynne Smothers

Poem #10 for National Poetry Month. This came out of a spell that hit me today, quite literally out of nowhere. And I had to marvel at the randomness of it in the midst of the busy work day I was having.

Savoring Spring

Springtime sunshine
lights a cool breeze.
Gentle airs embrace
first blossoms, paint
landscapes awake out of
winter’s dormancy
Temperate days and cool nights
invite me to stay forever
in every small moment
I enter.
Each one that receives me
I never want to leave it
even to enter the next.
This bittersweet dance continues
until one day
there is no more coolness
and what comes next
is the vicious
attack of Summer’s heat.

© 2016 by Shari Lynne Smothers

Poem #9 for National Poetry Month. I had to do a picture about my favorite season. I picked Spring, but Fall is lovely too as they have different attractive characteristics. The selling point that keeps me with each of them, is the temperate weather.

Too Tired to Stop Myself

It’s so late to be thinking about words
that may or may not rhyme.
Whether or not they convey
the thought I’m trying to say
into someone else’s comprehension.
Facing tomorrow too tired
to be as productive as I need to be.
It’s crazy to let myself go without rest.
But there’s just so much on my mind
until I can’t unwind it all, easily
and so not in a timely manner.

Knowing that, here I sit even with
all the drama on my mind
regarding every, every-day thing of my life
it’s become necessary to write a poem daily—
because it is,
and I’m just too tired to fight it.

© 2016 by Shari Lynne Smothers

Poem #8 for National Poetry Month. I want to stop everything in my world and rest.

Paint Salvation

Barren space.
Heart works
to close around it.
Nothing bridges the chasm,
nothing mends the opening.
Same me, different day
only I don’t
recognize this
present person…

Except for when
I paint.

Then
I’m all in
working out
what comes next.
And for a time
I am whole,
touching an
other place not here.
For a time
I am complete
different and still
I know me.
Painting makes sense
makes me
recognize myself.
Those times
I don’t fret
what will be
my next iteration.

© 2016 by Shari Lynne Smothers

Poem #7 for National Poetry Month. Another contemplative poem, reflecting on when it is I truly feel like I will be alright.

Without

Feeling warm and fuzzy
isn’t so often or free
as it once was.
My joys are frayed these days
and tinged with stinging,
stark, honesty that I
am missing the person
I would love to share moments with
that I
have a heart broken for all time.
People young and old
in my situation
tell me it’s never going
to leave me completely.
Thankfully though I know,
intellectually at least,
I will find a place
to be complete
around this hole
forever a part of me.

© 2016 by Shari Lynne Smothers

Poem #6 for National Poetry Month. My dad died in 2007. My mom died January 2016. With her passing, I am alone in this world, at least without the last person who truly watched over me. It is sobering and sad on so many fronts in my life, until sometimes I can actually stagger under the weight of that truth. And, no, it does not matter that I have three brothers. I entertain myself with the crazy thought that I wanted to keep her longer, like until my dad came back. Nuts, right? I know. But there you have it. I’d be concerned if I believed it were possible. I’m alright with entertaining myself with crazy, fanciful thoughts; maybe I’ll write a novel. Whatever it takes to continue…

Taking Liberty

All good things to those
who reach for them;
I feel certain that’s
the lesson I’m being taught.
In the face of setbacks
and before brick walls,
I move forward,
scaling them
when I don’t need to
knock them down.
It feels affirming.

Reaching out for all
within my grasp
and then beyond that,
trading on the promise
of at least a chance
at success on my own terms.
I’m loving my current
opportunity to finally be
fully self-directing.

© 2016 by Shari Lynne Smothers

Poem #5 for National Poetry Month. This is the poem for yesterday. I wasn’t going to write it, letting the TWW poem stand for both things. But, I thought better of it. It seems, there are many things on my mind I think lithely enough about to versify.